Finding my voice

I've grown a lot as a person, my voice reflects that.

It's funny, as a youngster I remember having trouble reading. In 6th grade my classmates called me a bookworm. I didn't mind. My head was always in a book because it was middle school and everyone sucked. I preferred reading about other people's problems, it helped me escape my own.  I was blown away with how well the authors I read could create another world that was capable of completely immersing all my senses. I wanted to do what they did.

As the oldest of three, recently four. I've been playing the role of caretaker for as long as I can remember. As an older sister I've always known what it was like to order people around and be in control. I had a voice in the house. My parents were always working so it was Lashanda this, and Lashanda that. Once I was outside alone, I was the dorky little girl with few friends and no power. I was quiet. I was quiet when my parents were home. I was only myself when I was alone with my siblings. Fast forward to High School. I was now the "smart" chubby, dark-skinned black girl with few friends. I read a lot, but never dared to write anything. I thought of writing as a talent some were born with and others admired. I joined an after school writing program, which made me think writing was something that could be worked on. I didn't write much because I was so intimidated by what my writing skills were compared to those I read and hoped to emulate.

I've always had very strong opinions about certain matters. When it comes to blatant injustice there is no way I won't speak up. Thinking back to how upset I would get in elementary school when one of my classmates would skip me in line I realize I've always had a strong feeling that things should be fair. They would tell me to relax, we were all going to the same place--but it wasn't their skipping that bothered me, it was their disregard of my dignity. Of course in 5th grade I didn't have the words to explain it.  Because I wasn't considered important the popular kids who were always the one doing the skipping, didn't think it was necessary to ask my permission before they slid in front of me. That's exactly how the poor and anyone who isn't a rich white cis-gendered male is treated in society for the most part. What I'm trying to say I've found my voice in politics. And it fearless when it comes to such matters.

Honestly I don't read as much anymore, college that ironic effect. I don't pursue  all the ideas that flicker around in my head, and they have a way of utterly disappearing. I'm still intimidated.